Blessed Be: A Divine Soap Opera
Episode 1:
Genesis
In the Beginning...

(We see a group of people seated at a table. They are preoccupied with plans that are strewn all about. They are chattering and drawing and erasing. After a moment, a male throws his hands in the air sending paper and pencils flying)

Ouranos: Look...Honey...we gave it a try. Let's just call it quits and leave it alone! The Universe is beautiful. For all we know there may be a REASON why this latest idea of yours...what did you call it...MAN...won't work.

Gaia: We have intelligent life on other planets. Why should Earth be any different?

Ouranos: Yes...it was certainly fun coming up with all the different life forms, all of them so ODD looking. I woulda thought it easiest to make everything look like us, but...

Gaia: That's IT! Let us make man in our OWN image!

Ouranos: Huh?

(Gaia Turns to look at a series of clay models of lined up humanoid figures. Starting from hunched over and evolving to a nearly upright figure. She takes a heap of clay and shapes the next in line. A completely upright human)

Gaia: Yes. That's it! Sweetheart, you are a GENIUS!

(She jumps to hug Him and knocks the figure closest to being human over. It falls into the ethers.)

Gaia: Well SHOOT! I need that for my memoirs!! I have to find it!

Ouranos: What the big deal? Make another one.

Gaia: It's not as simple as all that. I doubt I could ever recreate it!

Ouranos: So ...live without it!

Gaia: Numb nutz!! Look. It's a series. Look at the natural evolution of the thing. I can't have a...a...missing link! Someone has to go find it!

Ouranos: (More in attempt to shush her than anything) Ok dear...but first things first. (A muse enters the room as Dagda says the next line)
                Let us Create man in Our own Image.

Scene 1:

Abraham

(The man wanders the desert. He is panting and sweating. After a moment he falls to his knees and looks to the heavens)

Abraham: I call on all that is holy...PLEASE lead me to some water...

(A voice comes from the heavens)

Voice: Abraham...

Abraham: Who's there?

Voice: I am The Lord of Grog

(We all know what he "heard")

Abraham: Oh Lord! What must I do to gain your favor? What must I do to save my soul??

[We cut to the heavens. Jehovah is looking down on the man.]

Jehovah: What in all Hecate's hells is he talking about?? Oh Well...I'll Play along. This could get funny! Hmm...what to do? Ohh yes! This can be cruel, but I doubt he'll actually DO it. Sounds painful. And what man in his right mind would put a knife...oh well...we'll see. I'll stop him before he does anything TOO stupid...

(Just then, Gaia enters and interrupts)

Gaia: What are you doing??? Leave that poor man alone! I have something for him to do and don't need YOU screwin up his head. He has the capacity to spread our worship worldwide! Now go make your father some grog!

(He runs off and she looks down to see that time has passed and Abraham has a child tied to an altar and is ready to strike a death Blow! She speaks as her son and stops him. Then storms out of the room yelling ;)

Gaia: You are in BIG Trouble mister! YOU started it, YOU are in charge of them!

Scene 2:
Noah

(We move to a room in the heavens where the muses dwell)

Serendipity: Look at that loony fella down there! He's goin all about looking down his nose on everyone. Let's have some fun girls!!

Lucifer: You guys are BAD! You should behave yourselves!

Baroque: Look at him...Mr. Morning Star thinks he's better than everyone!

Lucifer: No. I can see where this is going however, and...

Renaissance: Ignore him...Hey! I got an idea....

(Lucifer quietly walks away and into the Chamber of the Great Gods)

Brigid: My brother looks unhappy. What is wrong Light bearer?

Lucifer: The muses are up to no Good.

Brigid: And THAT is news? What is it now?

Lucifer: (gesturing toward the great Cauldron) See for yourself....

Brigid: (looking into the cauldron) GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!! WHY HAS THIS MAN LOCKED HIMSELF INSIDE A BIG BARN YAHT!?

(We cut to the Earth and Noah and his ark. The sky clouds over and thunder is heard as result of Brigit yelling and storming out of the Chamber)

Noah: I WARN YOU ALL!! THE END IS COMING! JOIN ME AND YOU WILL BE SAVED!

(Cut to the heavens again. Shiva is walking past The Muses Chamber when he spots Brigit chastising them)

Brigit: ...and if I EVER hear of you doing ANYTHING like that again, I will have you locked up with Tiamat!

Muses: Yes Ma'am we're sorry!

(She exits the room and runs right into Shiva who immediately makes his move)

Shiva: My my My you are quite the dominatrix! I like that in a Goddess!

Brigit: Oh man...not you again! Shivaya...ommmmm...my what large and roaming hands you have!

Shiva: All the better to love you with!

[Brigit runs off and into her Chamber and closes the door. Thinking she is free of Shiva, she crosses to her Cauldron of healing waters and begins to stir. After a moment, she crosses to her forge and uses long tongs to begin putting coals in the fire. She has a hot coal in the tongs when Shiva sneaks in behind her and kisses her neck. In fright, she spins around and drops the coal on his feet. He begins to scream and dance frantically. In his frenzy, he bumps into and knocks over The cauldron, spilling the bottomless cauldron onto the earth - Great Flood anyone?]

THUS BEGINS THE WORLD (The Shorthand Version) AND THE ETERNAL DANCE OF LORD SHIVA

Shivaya nahama
Shivaya nama om

Next Episode:
David, Goliath and Lindsay Lohan

ã2007 Elisha D Norris
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